Happy 4th!

Don't worry. This isn't some sneaky way of saying that the politically "left" are somehow patriotically backwards.

Or is it?

Just kidding. Go light some fireworks, 'cause here in Texas.... we can't.

Gaston

Bradley joined a local acting company earlier this year. He loved the weekly practices, but he was not very excited about the idea of performing in front of people.

So I lied to him.

I told him that when the time came, if he didn't want to, he wouldn't have to - someone else could fill in for him. Luckily, he didn't call my bluff.

They were putting on a production of Beauty & the Beast. The set was awesome, the costumes were great, and they had live music. It was actually pretty impressive.

Bradley with Mimi L*. She played La Fou - Gaston's little sidekick

What was even more impressive is that I learned something about Bradley. He's much braver than I am. And, that kid can sing! I had no idea he could project like that and stay on pitch. He even carried a vibrato. Proud Mama.

Suprise!

We showed up to the pool on Memorial Day to play with friends when these three found each other.

L to R: Izzy B*, Lindsey M*, & Miss Liv

They were very excited.

Excuse Me While I Discipline Your Child

I was at the park recently when this "adorable" little monster was terrorizing other kids. Let's call him Henry ('cause that's what his mom calls him and I don't feel like protecting the privacy of lunatics). Picture this character as you read. Cynicism brings out the blogger in me.


My repressed thoughts will be in italics for your enjoyment.

Me: Ma'am, your son just punched my child. I will hit him if he does it again. Then I will hit you.
Henry's Dumb Mom: Boys will be boys (with that really stupid grin on her face).

5 minutes later...

Me: Your son is spitting on my daughter and her friends. I'm going to kneel on his chest, reach into his mouth and rip out his salivary glands all while you watch.
Henry's Dumb Mom: Oh, that's just his way of sharing (head tilted watching Henry with unconditional love).

3 minutes later...

Me: Your (obnoxious) child is hitting that adult. You really ought to do something.
Henry's Dumb Mother: (To me:) We don't like to say, "NO" to our son. Of course you don't. (To Henry:) Henry, honey. Stop, please. Should we go to the car? I'm going to count to three. Do you want to go into time out? Really let's stop. One... Two... We'll have to go home. I don't think that nice man likes that. Do you need to sit in the naughty chair? I'll give you a big hug if you can obey me. Show mommy how a big boy listens. One... Two.... Henry, be a good boy. Ooopsies, let's not throw rocks at him. One... Two... Do you want me to tell Daddy? I'm not going to let you have a treat when we get home.

REALLY? MAYBE YOU SHOULD GIVE HIM ONE MORE WARNING BEFORE I BEAT YOU; THEN HIM!

I have this vision of their future Christmas Card. I can't wait.

Have you ever wanted to deck another parent?

...for becoming a parent? 

Baby Claire

My blog and I were on a trial separation.

It didn't go well.

While we were living apart, I had a baby. 

Good times.

Meet Miss Claire Brighton

She was big. She is beautiful. We had our ups and downs in the beginning, but she sleeps 10 hours at night. I'm that woman other mothers hate. It's such a great feeling.

Once Again... if you want

My last post was October 28th? Really? That's pretty bad considering I was posting every 2-3 days for a while.

Sorry I'm a slacker.

I know New Year Resolutions have already come (and most likely gone), but I'm still getting "contest" quandries.

If you aren't aware of "the contest," you're probably better off and should move on to the next blog. It will consume your life for the next 12 weeks.

Email me for details because rules have changed or at least been tweaked. We'll start in February so let me know ASAP if you're interested.

mickmonkeys[at]gmail[dot]com

If you want a rough idea of how it all began, go here.

Star of the Week

Emmy has decided to be called Amelia this year at school. While it shouldn't be, it's been an interesting challenge for us to call her her given name. She now easily answers to either name, but I dont' know why I have such a hard time calling her Amelia.

A few weeks ago, she was her class' STAR OF THE WEEK. She completed an about-me poster. I thought I'd share my favorite of section of her poster.

Yes, this is an announcement.

The Return of Super Saturday

Only Mormons will truly understand this one...

I was recently put in charge of our monthly Relief Society Meetings. We all like to refer to it as the "calling formerly known as Prince" because the name for this meeting has changed about as many times as his has.

Anyway, I was sadly informed that we could no longer hold Super Saturdays (a day devoted to craft-making) - a beloved, yearly tradition among Relief Society members. This cancellation was because as a world-wide church, we were no longer able to hold meetings where money was requested for any sort of good or service.

I figured it was simply because women lacked cash. So I purchased a VISA card machine and began charging women for the crafts we were doing as they exited the building each Sunday. When the bishop pulled me aside to explain that debt and social pressures was what we were trying to avoid, I looked at him knowingly and said,

"Don't worry, Bish. You can use it for collecting tithing, too."

He didn't think that was very funny.

Oh, Mama!

I opened my garage the other morning and as I walked around the back of my car I saw something that made me scream out some obsenity like, "Jehosephat!"or maybe shorter, ...like with only 4 letters in it.

Geh.

Perfect pre-Halloween post.

Crazy Eyes

They say a person's eyes are a window to the soul.

I don't know who "they" are. But I do know that every picture I see of this woman gives me the creeps. I know Paula Deen (okay - not personally or anything), but I've watched her cooking show and I love that she uses real butter and takes spatula-size samples to tastse. But good grief, every picture I've seen of her lately makes me wonder: are those really tomatoes she's cutting?

 Have you ever been told to "smile with your eyes"? She's told, "show me anger and hatred with your eyes and only smile with your mouth."

I can hear the slashing noises from the movie Psycho.

This month she's on the cover of some magazine. 
I think they just keep getting worse.