Sunday, May 04, 2008

Ever-present Question

I find that I am asking myself the same question in a couple of different formats. This question seems to pop up with a newborn and lasts throughout toddler-hood. But it seems to heighten right around 12 months and lasts until their 18 months.

Why do I try ... ?

What's the point in ... ?

Why bother ... ?

and these questions typically end with ...

cleaning, going to church, arranging the books/cds nicely, washing their faces, washing their clothes, making my bed, cooking (actually cooking lasts longer because picky eaters seem to linger into their teens), putting the pillows on the couch, vacuuming, laundering, the list goes on and on and on.....and on.

I noticed I mentally asked this (these) questions like 17 times these past two days. Is something wrong with me? What's going to happen to our home-life when I answer these questions with something like, "hmph, I don't know why? guess I won't."

I know I'm taking a huge risk admitting something like this to a bunch of (well, mostly) mothers who, let's not kid ourselves, judge one another based on how our children succeed and our house looks and whether or not we have roots.

Please tell me there's someone else out there.

21 comments:

janet said...

This has got to relate to EVERY young mother.. and I hate that we judge (or worry about other people judging us) when we are all just trying to GET THROUGH THE DAY! One thing that I heard and want to hang on my wall is: Cleaning while having children is like shoveling when it's snowing outside.

I have really tried to let go of having everything perfect (because it NEVER will be) and spend more energy enjoying my little ones while they are little.. because it's going to fly by! Good luck and great post.

Randi said...

All I can say is that if ya'll are judging me- you all win! I am not one to care what people think. I go to the store in my PJ's ( yes the ones that look like PJ's with the penquins) and, 3 day (not showered) hair pulled back. That's how I roll. I think what is the point all the time(hence the aforementioned wardrobe, and I have not even begun on my house). To me success in parenting is what my Mom always told me, " If you only have to have 4 therapy sessions to get over my parenting, I will have done a dang good job." My goal is 3! Take it easy on yourself. We do the best we can. Some day it's enough and some days it's not. It's okay, I have the name of a therapist! :)

Leslie said...

my pillows are never on the couch, thanks to a certain 20 month old and a certain five year old.

and i have major roots right now. so i'm your friend! :)

Andrea said...

Oh, my friend, there is someone else out there that feels this way. And, I'll be the first to admit, there are days where I do answer with "I guess I won't." Especially in the house cleaning department, the child bathing department, and the cooking department. Guess I'm being talked about behind my back quite often!

Korrin said...

I completely agree with you. Your not alone. And any mother that doesn't agree is in complete denial.

Brian said...

C'mon. No on is judging you on the items you mentioned. People are judging you according to how you look.

Enjoy the day...

Jodie Haney said...

Sometimes Randi doesn't get her teeth brushed...why bother? They are going to fall out in a few years anyway. Sad...I know.
I have found "why bother" to be very freeing.

tara said...

Um, I'm right there with ya. I think this is the life of every young mother! I have learned to care less... but the bottom line is, I like things to be nice, so every once in a while I'll go gang busters, clean it up, and then I feel like I'm a nazi to my children and husband, and I don't like that, so it all goes to pot again. "They won't be ,5 1/2, 2 1/2 and 14 months old forever" I try to tell myself, but yeah... it's frustrating, huh!?

At least I don't have the roots problem to worry about... because HOK's I worry about enough!

Ashley said...

I hear you! I feel the same way, and yes, I do have roots!

Emma said...

So true. Although I've never had roots. My house is always a mess, so most houses I go to are a lot cleaner than mine. I try not to judge others, or compare myself to others, but I'm not completely successful at it.

Suzette said...

I'm so glad that others ask these questions as well. Usually when I'm in the hall or wrestling my kids during church I ask why am I here. And keeping the house clean with three (counting husband 4) boys is a joke. I get so overwhelmed sometimes. It's hard to even go to the bathroom let alone get your hair done. Hence my permanant soggy wet ponytial I sport all to often and long to have my hair done in some what of a style so I look like a woman and not a frumpy Mom. But this too shall pass right?

Tara said...

We're a bunch of judgmental hags, aren't we? Especially you, Mindy.

John said...

You are the ONLY person I know with roots but on the bright side, maybe you could start a new look for the world.

seriously with the word verification. . . . .

Emily said...

Amen! you could put up another post with more of the ways to finish those sentences--i'd enjoy it!

Heidi Kjar said...

I love honest entries. I'm in for a crazy ride I can tell. I may be back on your blog in October seeking comfort.:)

Kristen said...

it happens to all of us...we all ask ourselves these questions....

Ashley said...

I've been trying not to care what other people think but it is hard sometimes. I don't think any less of someone when I see their messy house or anything like that so I don't know why I can't just let the feelings of inadequacy go! You are not alone!

Vanderbeeks Images said...

I think often we do things simply because we can.

I don't take that for granted anymore because there was a time when I couldn't - almost a whole year - while fighting cancer. I was bald and nauseated and stayed in bed or on the couch most of the time. I learned that our value doesn't come from what we look like and what we can do. I finally learned that... finally.

I mean afterall, when I think of my neighbor, Abby , who is seriously handicapped, I think of how special she is in the sight of Heavenly Father and what an amazing soul she must be. You can just feel it when you are around her. I've never thought any less of her because she can't even talk. Why should I think anything less of my self if I can't keep up with life some days.

You can read what I put in my blog recently:
http://lauravanderbeek.blogspot.com/2008/05/getting-better.html

Lori said...

I feel it too! Since this last conference when they talked about mothers I have really tried to be better at just ignoring the mess sometimes and playing more. There will always be clothes to wash, and floors to vacuum but I won't always have my little kiddos wanting to play with me. I am so far from perfect though and forget my new goal. What a great post!

Bonnie and Brian Wayne said...

lol - The pillows FROM our coach are always in some kind of fort. It amazes me how many configurations can come from 7 giant pillows - but there you go.

And the roots - during the humid times here its - why even DO my hair! SAD - I know!

Brekke said...

There absolutely are others like that out there - take ME! It may help to know that some days I do just answer with, "I guess I won't... today."

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