Who's a Loser?

...apparently not me - for once.

But these guys all are:

• Cake Addict: 11.5%
• Miss Piggy: 13%
• Big Bertha: 10.2%
• Talespinner: 10.8%
• Pinky: 10.1%
• JoJo: 10%
• N2WN: 11%
• Clicky Vicky: 10.2%
• Rooter: 10.7%
• Fluffly LaRou: 10%
  
• Sprinkles: 10%
  
• Sweet Spice: 10.4%
• Twinkle Toes: 10.8%
• Road Runner: 10.2%

Congratulations to all you losers. At least I won Miss Congeniality and that's what really matters, right? Not bitter at all.

These 14 lucky (who am I kidding, they're not lucky, they worked their tales off!) people split $1720! That's around $122-ish. Hey, it's a better return than what they would have gotten out of the market! Tell me the last time you tripled your investment (and looked way hot after doing it)?

That's a sweet little shopping spree for some new jeans or swimsuit (or to Cheesecake Factory).

Now if I can just remember where I put all that cash.

[if only you could hear my sinister laughing]

Camping Adventures

We went camping.

It was fun.

Blah, blah, blah.

Then Steven found this on one of our hikes.

Then we came home.

"It's just a Funny Story"

When I picked Emmy up today from school, her teacher helped her into the car. The teacher approached with a huge grin. This is how the conversation went.

Ms. J: Congratulations!
Me: Thanks. -- Wait, what?!
Ms. J: I hear there's a new addition to the family on its way.
Me: To my family?
Ms. J: Yes. Emmy told us that you guys are having a little girl and naming her Katie.
[at this point, Emmy is ducking into the backseat and avoiding eye contact with either of us.]
Me: Wow, that is exciting. Even I wasn't even aware of it.

You must know I'm about to give you the next obvious conversation - between Emmy and myself on the drive home.

Me: Emmy, why did you tell Ms. J that?
Emmy: Because I thought it would be a funny story to tell.
Me: Did you know that was like lying.
Emmy: No. It's just a funny story.
Me: It's only a funny story if you say 'just kidding' at the end so they know your not telling the truth.

While this was an awkward situation for everyone (I'm obviously not doing well on this diet thing if I look far enough along to know the gender of my unborn fetus) I realized this evening that I taught Emmy that she can say pretty much anything, stick a "JK" at the end of it, and get away with it.

Super-parent moment.

Glean what you will.

Oh, I'm not pregnant.

Almost There

We're so close to the end of this contest, I can taste it (no pun intended, unless the pun tastes like chocolate).

I gave my contesters a few ideas on how to get that last little bit off before the next weigh-in (this upcoming Monday, the 30th). Besides the obvious ones like
1) subsist on 300 calories a day or
2) jog in place when your in line at the grocery store or at work checking your email,

here were some of my [other] ideas:

• Shave. Everything.
• Better yet, wax (the microscopic hairs underneathe the skin may count for something).
• Clean out your ears.
• Remove all jewelry, make-up, polish, etc.
• Showering will do some of this, just make sure you're adequately dry.
• Blow your nose.
• Go get your hair cut this week.
  
• Trim your nails, especially those toes. Eck.
  
• Brush your teeth (studies show plaque weighs more than fat and muscle combined - not really, I have no idea).
• Get nakey (I know, TMI!)

I figure all those things may add up to half an ounce and then the scales may tip in their favor. Contrary to popular belief, I'd love it if everyone won their money back (unless, of course, I was the sole winner...$1720!!!).

Also, if you've ever had to have a colonoscopy, you know the preparation for that usually makes you lose 1-3 pounds because you have to clean out your entire system. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Please feel free to comment and give them any more of your ideas. I'm sure they'd be appreciated by me, er, I mean them.

I still have one pound until my license is accurate (awkward)
not to mention the other 2.5% to make my goal. Gah!

Next contest [tentative] date: July 31st (post vacation & pre-holiday)

redbox

If you don't know what REDBOX is, you live in a sad state of Blockbuster or Hollywood Video. Or maybe in a neighboring state of Netflix (which isn't as sad, but still sorta sad).

Anyway, we've enjoyed our local redboxes for a number of years now. But it seems that a lot of others are enjoying it as well. I can't tell you how much pressure I feel as I search through the lame-o titles looking for Australia or the new James Bond flick and end up coming home with the knock-off version of Kung-fu Panda called Skunk-fu because I feel so rushed and make a hasty decision! I might as well be at the bank withdrawing $1000 while 17 on-lookers judge my choice of pin numbers.

So, I ask you, please stay in your sad state of Hollywood/Blockbuster (or New Jersey) so I can feel at some peace as I look for Twilight.

Do you think Steven will watch it?

I'm doubtful.

B-Rad

Bradley's birthday was a [few] week[s] ago.

I'm a good mom, I'm just not good at timely postings.

In fact, it just so happens that is birthday was on TAKS day. Let me quickly explain to you what TAKS is. TAKS is the state's standardized tests. It's a day where the school turns into a nazi camp. Don't believe me? Here are some of the rules:

• no parents/volunteers allowed on campus
• students are only allowed to read after they've completed their test (even if they're done by 10am) - no drawing, coloring, writing, sleeping....
• teachers aren't allowed to sit - not kidding
• students eat in their classroom (to avoid hallway noise and/or cafeteria chatter)
• students aren't allowed to go to specials classes (PE, Art, Music) to avoid excess noise in the hallways
• absolutely no recess (they tried whisper recess last year unsuccessfully - not kidding, again)
• students are escorted to and from the restrooms
• federal prison guards roam the halls freely

Okay, so maybe that last one is made up. But seriously, it gets a little crazy strict. The thing is, students aren't tested until the 3rd grade. This makes the school day ultimately pointless for all the un-tested students. Let's just say lots of movies get watched that day.

Not that I need an excuse to let my son stay home (ya, we're back to Bradley now) but there was no way I was making him go to school on his birthday when all these rules were being implemented. That would just be lame.

So we went bowling instead. Way cool. Way not lame. Right?

Actually we had a blast. Bradley killed me in the first game. The wii evidently has taught him a little somethin'.

Hikers R Us

Steven's on this new kick.

I don't even know what that saying means,

but every weekend he's been taking the kids (and sometimes me - if I'm not elsewhere) hiking somewhere within an hour's drive. I thought I'd share some pics because they're 1) starting to add up and 2) the family's getting mad that I'm blogging about non-family stuffs.

These first three are from a some place in G*town.

The raging waterfall behind them was overwhelming.

Olivia playing catch-up.

My cutestest family.

Olivia's going to get beat up looking like that.

I take it back. They're all going to get beat up.

Smoking = Stupid

I've always told my kids that people who smoke are stupid. And we're not even allowed to use that word in our house, so you know I'm being serious when I say people who smoke are s-t-u-p-i-d.

Now, when we (my children and I) approach smokers, I remind them not to point or stare and say, "Look at Stupid, Mama!", because, well, that just wouldn't be nice.

So for those of you who smoke (especially those of you who started smoking in the last 25 years), the cat's now out of the bag. I've been teaching my children that you're stupid. The only reason I use this term is they know what stupid means by the age of 2. I can't very well tell my 2-year old child that "people who smoke have low moral character because they give into peer pressure, don't care about their bodies or their families' bodies, can't kick an addiction even though there's lots of help out there, etc." They just don't get it. At least not until they're older.

Though I'm sure I've offended some of you by this, now I'll get to my question. What do I do when my child finds out our president smokes? I mean, with Bush, we were at least able to slowly - but surely - realize his faults, but my 7-year old wants to know why our leader would give into peer pressure.

What do you think?

or are you busy lighting up?

Fortun[at]e Turtle

I found a turtle today.

In a parking lot.

Does that mean something? Would it mean something if I was Chinese? I mean, does it mean something for my future? Because I don't know about you, but my fortune cookies are always dead on.


It was big - as turtles go. The shell's circumference was the size of a dinner plate. Okay, actually it's really crazy to find a turtle that big in a parking lot (no where near water - might I add). I was driving away when I saw it. Luckily, I didn't hit it. Because the parking lot was of Emmy's preschool, I picked it up (salmonella and all) and took it to a nearby teacher so she could show it off to all the kiddos.

Weird?

Weird.

Lent

I meant to write about this last week, but I was busy giving up vices.

In all seriousness, while I'm LDS and we don't really practice lent, I have been since one of my good friends introduced me to the idea when I was 18. He was catholic and would give up alcohol every year for 40 days. While this was quite a feat for him, as a mormon, I always thought he was crazy to go back to it on Easter.

Typically lent is a time for fasting, prayer and other acts of penance for forty days. The three traditional practices to be taken up with renewed vigor during Lent are prayer (showing a love towards God), fasting (showing a love towards self), and almsgiving (showing a love towards neighbor).

Today, many people give up a specific vice of theirs, and try to add something that will bring them closer to God, then they'll [try to] give the time or money spent doing that to charitable purposes or organizations.

I am even more simplified than that. I just give something up for the forty-day time period. (You'd think the beginning of the contest would have been me giving up happiness for forty days - but alas, happiness is not a vice in my mind.)

While I still give a double take at the lady behind me in the supermarket sporting the ash cross on her forehead, I am reminded of that certain vice I'm giving up that season. But I wonder if I'm alone in my community of [mostly LDS] readers. As a religion, we fast and pray once a month, so maybe you don't find it necessary or worth while. So I ask you:

Ever thought about participating?
(Please don't indicate as to what you give up. I already judge you.)