Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Left Out

I was at the pool the other day when a bunch of end-of-school-year parties were taking place. I overheard a mother tell all three of her children that they couldn't have one of the treats brought by another parent because they had peanut butter in them. One of her kid's had an allergy.

"You can't have any," she said to them. "John will feel left out if you all eat some since he can't."

I see her point of view....I guess.

Because of him, they all get to experience "character building" along with their brother. If he were a quadriplegic, would she make them all take elevators and not participate in sports?


Any takers on this topic?

7 comments:

Randy said...

As a parent who has to deal with kids' allergies (went to the ER for peanuts last week), I can say that it's just much, much easier to deal with a single diet and single set of rules for all the kids.
We used to cook 3 different main dishes for each meal based on what each kid could and couldn't have. It's a bit much to take.
The kids are fine with it. They are healthier for it (part of ours is a all-natural diet due to food dye allergies). We've managed to find alternatives for most treats.
"Sorry kids, you can't have that Hershey bar, but I'll trade it in for a Ghiradeli" They're OK with the upgrade.

Vanderbeeks Images said...

People who have no food allergies have no idea how hard it can be. Some people are downright rude about not caring about it. Some people have no idea how dangerous it can be. I've been in the ER a few times.

You have no idea how many pasta salads, desserts, breads, etc I have had to pass by in my life -even at family dinners when they know I've brought food for them and they bring something I can't eat. I bring food for 30 people and I can eat one of two things. Personally I'm sick of it.

I'm allergic to nuts and it was really hard in school, especially elementary school.

I'm now allergic to wheat, thank you chemo, and I must say that when people take the extra two seconds to plan something I can eat I feel loved.

Seriously.

At the Memorial Day scout breakfast one of the leaders brought gluten free pancake mix. When I found out I was smiling ear to ear. When my friend S* got there and I told her she was so happy that she could eat pancakes with her kids. We both felt included and normal for a change. And so did the others who have celiac disease or wheat allergies.

For a while I quit going to anything churchy that was based around food. RS dinners, etc. Now my ward is much better about this. And one sister in law who lives nearby ROCKS!!!

I can feel that families pain. If you think the kid should get a backbone or the mom is not being fair, you have nothing to say until you've experienced it for yourself. They'll grow out of that stage but it will take a little time. Let them be.

Amy said...

Taylor was on a special diet that was very restrictive for a few months. There were tons of things that she couldn't eat. I always had something on me that she could have so that if the others were offered something she had something to eat as well. Never did we limit the other kids. We simply told Taylor that she was special and could only have special foods. I don't know if it is the right way but it worked for our family!

Tim and Clarissa said...

Well Brady and I couldn't have sugary cereals because Kerianne is diabetic. My mom didn't want her to feel left out. I survived and possibly was healthier in the long run.

Todd said...

taking a trip to the ER with your child's life in distress changes perspective dramatically...

families all have their own way of dealing with their unique circumstances... if the parents decide their going to do it as a family, i have to admire that....

without question, our family would take the elevator - together!

...then, go get in the van with a hydraulic lift (hopefully), the other kids helping their quadriplegic brother get in, and go cheer on the kids in the family that played baseball and soccer - together!

Suzette Willmore said...

i can't stop laughing and i don't know what to say.....

Anonymous said...

OK Mindy, I'm a little late in the comment department, but here's my two cents. If a family finds a way to deal with it, and they prepare ahead of time in how they're handling it, that's great. You just can't expect that when you go places everyone else is going to adapt to your allergies. For some adjustments, (for instance celiac disease) if you adjust your menu to cater to these one or two people to feed a large group, you can actually make everyone else sick who isn't used to that. If your family is regularly adjusting things, not a problem. For once in a while, it can really mess you up. I've only talked to one person who gets frustrated when people don't adjust to their allergies. Everyone else states that they've gotten used to bringing what they can eat where needed. I think it's one of those things in life that you just have to deal with, as any physical limitation and not complain that everyone doesn't cater to you.

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