Monday, April 09, 2007

Open-Toed Season

It's officially white pants, spring colors, open-toe shoe season now that Easter has passed. I only know this because my grandmother (who wrote textbooks on fashion and design) ingrained it into my head. There's just something maddening about people wearing these items at the wrong time. Though I must admit, living in a warm climate like Texas does merit some breaking of the flip-flop rule. Yet if one must break the rule, the must do it right. As for the beginning of this marvelous season, there is something I must get off my chest. You must be good at wearing open-toed shoes. So, here's the pledge:

The Open Toed Shoe Pledge

As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they are actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $35 and worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

Phew, there, I've done it. Now you may bring on the sandals.....that is, unless your feet look like this.


Natalie* said...

I so solemly swear! bring on the sandles and pedis!

Emma said...

That was great! I'm glad I have friends like you who keep fashion ignorant people like me in line!!!

Leslie said...

here, here, mindy! that took some major work to put together. i hereby pledge my faithfulness to your rules, all of which I followed anyway. promise.

John said...

Seriously? This is what you post after your Easter weekend? Were my feet THAT bad? . . . seriously.

Melissa said...

Okay, that last picture is just plain GROSS! Anyway, hooray for sandal weather! I hardly own anything else anymore...

Audra said...

I need to go shave the hair off my big toe. That sounds gross.

Bonnie and Brian Wayne said...

That is the best picture EVER!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! LOL!

John said...

Ewwewwew . . . Audra has hair on her big toe. As Bradley would say, "totally gross."

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