Thursday, September 20, 2007

2 Questions

#1. Have you ever been drowning?

You know that frustration -- then panic -- that your lungs aren't getting oxygen?
Thoughts like is this really how I'm going to die?
and
Why am I in such a stupid situation?
I know my body's many limits.
What will Steven do?
My kids will be those kids without a mom?
If Steven remarries, she won't be as good for any of them.
Where will they bury me?
What will they have me wear? (yes, as silly as this last one is, my subconscious would still worry about that stuff.)

but these thoughts all come in an instant flash. And though some/all sound crazy, those would be my thoughts.

This is what it was like without google this last week (for some reason I didn't have access to their website as well as any of my accounts with them - I couldn't even comment on other's blogs). I realized that without my blog(s), I don't get my therapy. I emailed Natalie to tell her my dilemma (she introduced me to my therapist), and it was then that I realized I was really missing it. There has been times when I go on vacation or get super busy and am unable to blog, but when I can't because of a technical difficulty, well, that's just plain annoying.

Here's question #2:
Have you ever had to come to the realization that your rather pathetic because a fraction of your happiness is based on your ability to blog/vent/release?

BTW, my ring finger is broken. Nice.

10 comments:

Emma said...

That has got to be frustrating! And sorry about your finger.

Natalie* said...

you are SO not alone on this one, girl - all hail the glory of blogs and how they help get you through the days you look at the clock and realize you haven't spoken to an adult all day. long live blogs!

Bro. Mickelson said...

You're being dramatic. Typical. What about all of us that had to go without your blog? What about us? What about our ring fingers? Maybe a little less about you and a little more about us...

Oh wait. I thought you were John.

Or Steven.

Hope the finger gets better so you can stay married. Ring finger...

Andrea said...

This is totally how I feel about running. I hurt my knee over a year ago and am still trying to fix it. Every few days I go through that panic that I'll never run again. I sorry about your finger!! I hope it heals quickly.

Ashley said...

I'm sorry to hear about your finger. At least you don't have three broken finger. That still sucks though.

Ashley said...

Ouch!

John said...

Man, bro mick bringing the heat.

Jodie Haney said...

nice.

Vanderbeeks said...

Ouch! Broken bones are the pits! Especially when you need to use them a lot! We missed you at Grandpa's party! Ruth was saying she loves your blog and feels like she knows more about your family because of it! Hope you are feeling better soon.

MIL said...

You know I don't have a personal blog, but just being without the internet for five days was enough to make me feel as if I was unable to communicate with anyone else on this planet. Think we've gone too far with this techno thing? Nope! We just need to make it perfect so it never breaks down......... That includes fingers and other body parts. Does this mean you don't have to clean the bathrooms? :>) lv,

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