Vomitrocious

Olivia's down with a little stomach bug.


I'm trying my hardest not to laugh.


No, I'm not a bad person (not always), but if you've ever had the opportunity to be witness to someone's first time that their stomach betrays them,

well,

it's hilarious.


At 4am, Steven found her in her crib all gooed up. After a quick clean-up and a change of sheets, I cuddled with her on the couch waiting for the next round of it (there's always a next round).

When it came, she looked at me like I had taken her stuffed puppy and lit it on fire. Her eyes questioned, "but why?" and she looked around the room like she was confused and disappointed in humanity.


Comedy.


Oh, and she's really cuddly. Which is even better.

Maybe if I let her cough on my toothbrush,
I can lose the 5 lbs I've gained since the contest.

PS Can anyone name the movie they use the term "vomitrocious"?

Betrothed

When it comes to buying a house,

I feel like I'm marrying someone I've yet to meet.

Don't know if I'll hate his family or want to kill his mother

(I'm not exactly sure I'll like my neighbors),

He might be high maintenance, or worse yet, snore

(I'm committed to a huge monthly mortgage),

I could get out of it, but divorce is always messy

(selling a house in this market will actually cause a divorce)

I'm hopeful, nervous and excited all at once.
Which causes me to throw up - but somehow not lose any weight.

Blog Relationship

This is definitely our worst fight yet.

My blog and I haven't been speaking for some time now. And while I've actually updated my recipe blog, I just can't seem to open up to this one.

I'm stuck.


I've thought about writing about my hive outbreak that happened on Saturday.
Not pretty.
And even less pretty to look at than it is to read about.

I've thought about writing about how I've had to take sleep aid a couple of times a week because my busy mind ONLY thinks about which house (if any) to buy and this keeps me up at night. But then I will need to go and stress-eat to make myself feel better.

I've thought about writing about two new additions to our family in the last three weeks: Benjamin and Maxwell. But when you write about cute new babies, you need cute new pics to accompany it. And I don't have any from Mr. Maxwell (we're praying for you little M).

I've thought about writing about how I think Bradley's Principal is a selfish idiot. But that's just not nice, so I won't.

I could write about what I think of the outcome of the election, but we all know what happened when I wrote (actually when YOU wrote) about the candidates before the election. And I prefer to stick to everyone else writing about it.

I've thought about writing about all the stuff I have going on this week (an enrichment class to teach, a pampered chef party, a three day craft show, two soccer games, and a partridge in a pear tree).
But then I get stressed and think about all the things I need to do to get ready for said things.

Speaking of which, I better go.

I ask you, tell ME what to blog about.

Stubbornessest

Okay, so maybe that's not a word.

Yet.


We have rules at our house; rules about hitting (or not), rules about playing on the furniture (or not), rules about what television shows we can watch (or not - I'll stop doing that), rules about what words we can use, rules about where we sleep (long story for a later blog)....your getting the idea.

We also have rules about eating.

The rule is: at dinner you have to try it. However, if you want something else to eat (yes, I'm willing to allow that) you have to eat as many bites as you are old (ie: Bradley has to eat 6 bites if he want PB&J instead).

I know it sounds complicated, but my kids get it.

Now let me clarify something; to try it simply means: stick it in your mouth, chew for a second, and, if necessary, spit it out. You don't even have to swallow it! But before you get another meal (whether today or tomorrow), you HAVE TO TRY IT.

So, about once a month Emmy decides she's unwilling to try it. This means she goes to bed without food (I'm not a force feeder - though I may fantasize kneeling on her chest to get a piece of chicken -- really good chicken might I add -- past her clenched teeth).

Emmy can't go too long without food or else she gets nauseated. I'm not sure if the bile in her stomach builds up or what, but by 10 am the following morning, she's kneeling next to the throne.

Before you call CPS, I need to declare that I'm a fan of Love & Logic. What am I doing wrong here? I feel like I'm borderline abusing my child as she misses school because she refuses to eat for 18 hours.

I don't dare talk to my mom about this. I can't bear hearing, "What goes around...." or "The apple sure doesn't fall far". (Though out of my mom's mouth it would sound more like "Don't count the apples falling when you bark up the wrong tree." She struggles with cliche's. Love you, Marmee.)

Once I'm guilt ridden and Emmy's too weak to stand or hold up a cup of water, I cave and give her crackers and some gatorade.

DANG IT! I LOST THE BATTLE.

Really, am I being too demanding, too expectant of my 4 year old?

Is everyone else's child insistent on chicken nuggets, pizza and peanut butter sandwiches?

Now do you see the need for stubbornessest, Webster?

Declare Yourself

This year, most of us are having what I like to call "Voter's Dilemma".

First of all, does dilemma looks like its spelled wrong? Because it totally looks spelt rong 2 mee.

Secondly, I'm curious as to who you're voting for and why?

I'm also hoping you can explain yourself in a mere few words. No pressure.

And, no, Tina Fey is not an option.

Though I'm starting to think she could be.

The Ghost is Gone

Yesterday morning at 5 am-ish I awoke to someone playing a single note on the piano. Hindsight tells me it was all in my head - at least mostly in my head because everyone else slept through it (that being said, I have piano lessons in the morning on Tuesdays and they sleep through that, too). Steven finally stirred - probably because I was staring down at him until he woke up - and I made him go check it out.

"The piano's closed," he simply stated.

I rarely close my piano.

So it wasn't a huge consolation.

I had two nightmares about someone being in my house for the next hour until I awoke to get Bradley ready for school.

Luckily, Emmy had a book fair and I had a Pampered Chef party keeping me out of the house most of the morning. I just felt yicky all day long - I had that ominous feeeling like someone was in my house. I kept hearing things - mostly coming from the master bathroom. Like I said, Yicky.

Bradley and Emmy were done with school and Bradley went over to the neighbor's house while the ladies and I were having a quick snack. Then Emmy and I hear a crash from upstairs. Stupidly I yell out "HELLO?!"

Like someone's going to answer.

I grabbed Olivia and Emmy and we retrieved my neighbor.

He and I went through the entirety of my house together (thanks, Roarke!) - no one to be found (thought I still walked around the rest of the day with pepper spray in my pocket). He left and Emmy and I went back to our snack and we hear two more footsteps from the bathroom.

"Why don't we play outside for a while." I say after cursing under my breath.

I have a freaking ghost.

I had piano lessons with two students later that afternoon. I almost asked the parents stay, but I felt too stupid to ask them. And what do you know, one of them heard it, too. I heard some weird bump, thump, or thud (they're all different!) at least 15 times yesterday.

YICKY!

All that being said, Steven humored me last night and offered a prayer on our (my) behalf.

I had sweet, sweet dreams - of living in another house.

And today, I haven't heard from my ghost, ... yet.

And, yes, yicky is now a word.

And the LOSERS are...

...in order of achievement..... as well as how they did it.

• Fluffly LaRou (South Beach & Teaching 1st Grade)
• Clicky Vicky (Wii Fit & Calorie Counting)
• Aces (Nutrisystem)
• Twinkle Toes (Diet & Exercise - circuit classes/trainer)
• Mama Cass (South Beach & Exercise - and a last minute colon cleansing)
• Priceless Pounds (she hasnt' told me I'm guessing Diet & Exercise?....hmmm, she might have to correct me)

Congratulations, ladies. Treat yourself to a new pair of jeans with your winnings.

Anyone up for another contest in the new year? From Jan 5th - Mar 30th???
I'd begin another one now but dieting over the holiday season is a drag.

If you don't know what this entry is about, it all began back here.

Mags

I absolutely love magazines.

If you saw my monthly subscriptions laid out on a coffee table, you'd feel like you were at the dentist.

Thanks to my mamas as well as some healthy self-splurging, right now I have a subscription to:

Parenting,
Family Fun,
Consumer Reports (thanks mama Kay),
The Ensign,
Light Cooking,
Real Simple (thanks mama Ruth),
The Friend,
Parents (yes, a second parenting mag)

& a myriad of catalogues that don't technically count as magazines, but I look forward to all the same (ie: pottery barn, j.crew). What's worse is that we used to get Creating Keepsakes, Time, House & Garden, Golf Digest, Newsweek, Better Homes & Gardens, Money......I'm feeling awkward.

But here's the thing.

After having all these wonderful magazines at my fingertips,

All I really want is trashy gossip magazines like People or Us.

Is that weird?

Miss Ariel's Locks

Isn't she gorgeous?

She made homecoming royalty/court/whatever they call it where you live. She asked me to come over and curl her hair for her. I was so excited to get out of the house! She was all worried that her make-up wasn't done yet for this picture. I explained to her that she'd look ravishing standing next to me.

Yup.

Tonight was the night she got to strut her stuff at half time. Congrats ARIEL!

Car Troubles

Most of you know we've been looking for a house. We didn't (and still don't) think we'll be financially ready until January (meaning, we don't quite have our down payment yet).

But any idiot can recognize that now is an opportune time to buy a home. With interest rates where they are and builders desperate to sell, one just can't go wrong.

I went wrong.

On Saturday, I decided it would be funny to rear-end someone. It didn't turn out nearly as funny as I had thought. Don't try it. It may just damage your car more than the lady's you hit.

I'll back pedal for a moment so you can learn that I'm driving the older of our two cars (for which we are forever grateful to Papa & Mama Mick) because the "newer" ('96) doesn't have any A/C and hasn't for about 6 months. So Steven was chivalrous and gallantly traded cars with us (the monkeys and myself). So now we're driving the Corolla ('93) and while fitting 3 car seats in the backseat is a great workout and a wonderful way to get out aggression, we actually don't mind it too much.

But no, if that were all, this post would be boring. The tale doesn't end there. Last night at Steven's presidency meeting, his car wouldn't start. This morning after charging Steven's car battery all night (thanks to Ryan J*), his car still isn't starting. ARGH!

Are we not meant to buy a house?

Are we going to have to wait another year for a home and spend our stupid, pathetic savings on a car?

I want to throw up.

Mormon Culture

Bradley had an assignment at school that required him to name leaders - both local and national.

On the first page he listed the name of his school: Principal C*
On the second page he listed the mayor of our city: Alan M*
(both not shown for reasons of privacy)

The third is seen here.

Mr. Rick Perry is the governor of Texas.
It's hard to see but his teacher made any spelling corrections in green.

Now, it's this next page that had me giggling uncontrollably.

I don't know if you can see it very well, but Bradley knows the
President of the United States of America as:

"Brother Bush"

Do you think it's because First Lady Laura looks like a General Relief Society President or is that just a simple coincidence?

Wanna Park?

Why do I search out the closest parking spot when I go to the gym?

Is something inherently wrong with me?

Don't answer that. Instead answer this:

What are you having for dinner?

I'm tired of cooking.

Can I come over?
Otherwise I'm going here.

Emmy's Version

Emmy's preschool is run by a non-denominational church. They reviewed the story of Adam & his better half and I was curious as to what Emmy took away. So when I asked her to retell it, this is what I got.

Adam and Eve through the mouth of my little Emmy Maree:

"So, there was boy named Adam and he was God's helper and Adam named all the stuff and then he got lonely so Heavenly Father gave him a friend.

Then a snake came and the snake told Melinda (you know her as Eve-not sure why there's such a discrepancy in names) that she shouldn't listen to Jesus and she should have a family and then Melinda ate the apple and told Adam to have the apple then God wasn't happy with them (are any of you noticing the run-on sentence format children's tales usually take) and then He looked for them and they were hiding and God told them they had to leave the forest (Garden) and they had to crawl on their bellies the rest of their lives. [breath]

Then God (an angel) swooshed a big sword of fire around to protect anyone from coming into the forest (Garden)."

End Scene.

So I had a few key questions.

Me: Emmy, isn't her name Eve?

Emmy: Um, maybe, but I like Melinda.

Me: Hmmm. Did you know they were in a garden and not a forest.

Emmy: [sheepishly] Oh ya.

Me: I think it was the snake that was suppose to crawl on his belly the rest of his life, not Adam and Melinda, er, I mean Eve.

Emmy: No, it was Adam and Melinda who were supposed to crawl on their bellies.

Me: Okay, whatever (we're still arguing about this, she's pretty sure she's right). I think it's a special angel who guards the tree not God guarding the entrance to the forest.

Emmy: Maybe. [a moment passes] I want that sword.

So now it's on her Christmas List.

Emmy's impressionistic version of the Tree.

Letter From School

The following letter was sent home on Friday:

Dear Parent,
A Child at * * Elementary has been diagnosed as having Pertussis (also known as whooping cough). Please see the attached Fact Sheet from the Texas Department of Health for information regarding Pertussis symptoms, treatment and prevention.

Thank You,
Pam *, RN
School Nurse.

There aren't many topics that I feel completely sure about, but immunizations is one of them.

Let me also make it clear that I've written and re-written this post about 7 times. I can't seem to make it unbiased or, let's face it, non-violent. So I leave it to you to write this post. Please comment on the following:

How do you feel about vaccinations?

Meanwhile, here's a little video to let me know what to look forward to in case my child did NOT get immunized for Pertussis.

Let Me Tell You Why I Hate Buffets

....as long as we're on the subject.

• "Buffet" is a stupid word. Who uses silent "T"s anyway?
  
• Most restaurants that offer one are usually named after something that makes me feel like I'll be eating out of a trough if I go there. ie: Golden Corral or Chuck-a-Rama (are you kidding me?!)
• I don't feel like getting hepatitis-A today.
• If I want to get my money's worth, I feel like I have to eat my weight in meatloaf.
• There are usually people there that CAN eat their weight in meatloaf...and I just don't want to watch.
  
• The 312 people in front of me sneezed and coughed all over my food.
• 57 kids already taste-tested it for me...then spit out and put back what they didn't like.
  
• Really, how long have those potatoes been sitting there?

However, I don't wish for their removal from restaurant options, for they serve a purpose for our little family: Job Security.

I Heart my PA

Thanks for the wonderful T-shirt idea, Jimmy.

Top 10 Reasons Why I Need a NEW High Chair

#10 My dining room table is slowly being destroyed.
#9 I like new things.
#8 This one's just not cushy.
#7 I've yet to find a efficient way to mop.
#6 I'm tired of walking through my dining and kitchen and getting crumbs stuck to my feet. I have to wipe my feet off on the other leg (you totally know what I'm talking about!).
#5 I think Olivia's hair will simmer down (I don't really know how, I just had to think of a #5)
#4 My back is declining to sweep it up, AGAIN.
#3 The little booger can climb out of it!
#2 Steven says we don't need one.
#1 This is getting gross (and yes, that's banana - among other things - that you can see)

Emmy's 1st Day of Pre-K

Yes, there is, in fact, a distinction between preschool and pre-k. Ahem!

Pre-k is obviously short for Pre-KINDERGARTEN! Thus illustrating the fact that kindergarten is next and she is a mature, young woman ready for life. Preschool is simply a distinction for babies.

This is what Emmy informed me of when I told someone she was attending a nearby preschool.

Sheeesh! Can't wait 'til that girl is 16!

But will she still be this cute when she's 16?

They had a "Wiggle Worm" Train for the kids after the first day.

They kicked me out of it so all the kids could have a chance.
It was a little awkward.

What do WE PARENTS get out of a first day?

How did you handle it?

Are you missing them like crazy?
or are you shouting words like
"Finally"
and
"Freedom"
and
"I showered today before noon!"
from your front porch?

Please share. I need some therapy.

Bradley's 1st Day of 1st

Always a momentous occasion: The First Day of School!

The three First Graders. They look like they could be triplets.
Luke B*, Bradley, Madison H*

Action shot.

Bradley didn't sit still long enough for me to get a good shot of him all by himself. My mother is gasping at the very idea, I'm sure. Is it the same if I get one of him a couple weeks into it?

Labor Day

...anything but.

The Saturday before Labor Day our grad school friends organized a little trip to the lake. Friends traveled from New York, Florida, Louisiana and from all over Texas. It was so fun to catch up though there were plenty of people missed.

And as you can see the little monkeys were excited to see some old friends.

Here they are squished in the back of the Corolla.

The Accord's A/C is struggling.

Beth & Julie

Jenny & Jimmy

LoriAnn, Olivia, Emmy & Myself

Beth, Julie, Jenny & (always the lady's man) Bradley

Avery beating up her daddy, Keith.

Emmy being super brave and jumping off the pontoon boat to Ste.

Obviously pleased with the outcome.

Steven thinking he's helping Travis navigate (pshaw!)

Me, thinking I can use words like "pshaw",
and keeping Olivia from going overboard.

Don't worry, we figured something out to keep her seated.

Steven with the monkeys.

Simply proof that I got into the water.
Julie, Me, [the back of] Emmy, Beth, Jenny.

Well, 7,000 pictures later! I should apologize for neglecting my blog for so long. It was a long and trying week for many different reasons. Thus, I went on an internet strike. No email, no blogs, no cnn.com, no nothing. Okay, I did fill a couple of virtual shopping carts, but that was only to help lift my spirits.